Today marks the first one-hundred days since I was first diagnosed with stage IV cancer. A lot has changed for me and my family over the past few months. Physically, I haven’t adjusted to the new normal yet. The facial paralysis, left neck and shoulder numbness is tough believe is permanent. It’s odd getting used to the sensations and weird limitations.
A good friend of mine, Danny, sent me a song by Charlie Hall with the lyric, “Your love is like a rock when I’m spinning around.” Here’s the song on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jr4Fcj0it1E. I’ve felt like I’m spinning around lately, especially as I’ve ending radiation treatments last week and now must wait until I’ve completely healed from the surgeries, the swelling has gone down and the chemotherapy is out of my system. Waiting is something that I don’t tolerate very well. I’ll have a full body PET scan at the end of July to see if the cancer is gone. I pray that it is and my family and I can beginning planning for the future (big stuff and small stuff). We’ve also been spinning around with quite a few insurance companies, both on the disability insurance and property damage to my office. Thankfully, I am anchored to the Rock. I thank God for my faith, without it I probably would have given up by now. The spinning hasn’t stopped yet, but the ground is solid. Maybe the spinning will never stop. We’ve had our foster son for over eighteen months now. His little life is spinning all the time. We try our best to protect him from his biological family, the drama, the trauma and provide a normal childhood. He growing like crazy and becoming a fine boy. The foster system is completely broken and inadvertently damaging him. We pray that his spinning stops soon and all of his childhood memories are joyful ones.
Chandler completed 8th grade and is heading to high school. Mitchell finished 5th and is ready for middle school. I am so proud of my sons. They have both excelled in very awesome and individual ways. As Lisa and I attended their “moving up” ceremonies and year-end functions, I couldn’t help but think about the future. I hope that I’ll be around for their graduations from high school and college. We also recently attended a beautiful wedding. We’ve know the couple since they were just kids. That also caused us to contemplate the possibility of missing the boy’s weddings. So many unknowns. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow, next week or next year. Our death will come like a thief in the night. We will be surprised whenever it comes, at forty-one, fifty-one or one-hundred and one. No one likes to talk about dying (especially me). Lately, as I’ve spent too much time in hospitals, doctors offices and cancer treatment centers; death, prognosis and survival statistics have becomes real terms. Ultimately, each of us has a mysterious expiration date. The key is to really know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that God will accept you into heaven, right now. If you were to die tonight would Jesus say that He knows you or not? Big question.
I am so thankfully to my incredible staff at Digital Lightbridge, board of directors, encouraging clients, friends, family, church, neighbors, medical team and prayer warriors. As things continue to spin for all of us, keep ourselves grounded to the Rock.
Press on, Rich